Welcome back to Save File Plays Final Fantasy VII! Last episode, we finished up Wutai, and don’t ever have to visit there again if we don’t want to. We killed Don Corneo, solved Yuffie’s daddy issues, and got some new gear and Materia, including her Level 4 Limit Break. Now, however… we’re met with the nebulous goal of finding the Temple of the Ancients.
Since I don’t really know where to go yet, I’m going to head back to Fort Condor so I can at least properly show off the minigame.
Time to float around in the Tiny Bronco
The Tiny Bronco can travel through rivers, which is handy. Also, necessary if you want to get back to the other continent.
There’s a house there! I have not visited this house yet!
LET’S VISIT THE HOUSE!!
Weapon Seller: If it’s the “Keystone” you’re looking for, you’re too late. Don’t have it.
Weapon Seller: What? You didn’t come here for that? The “Keystone” is the key that unlocks the gate to a very old temple somewhere. You’re not going to believe your ears, but I heard it was the Temple of the Ancients!
: The Temple of the Ancients?!
Weapon Seller: Ha ha ha ha… Don’t take it seriously! It’s just a legend!
Dammit, now we have to find this Keystone, apparently.
Also, what are YOU?!
They are swarms of bugs.
The whole team ends up getting berserked, which means they just automatically attack. But their attack power is also boosted a bit.
MUSIC: The Forested Temple
All right, let’s do this!
Oh, right. …the Keystone.
All right, so the way this works is that we hire mercenary. Some are better than others against certain enemies, but that means they’re weak to others. We can also buy guys who lay down bombs, but they’re not that great, and they’re shit at fighting. We can also buy stationary defense, such as catapults, and stoners, which roll boulders at enemies. Here’s the skinny:
Fighters: General fighters, not weak against anything, not strong against anything.
Attackers: Strong against Beasts, weak against Barbarians.
Defenders: Strong against Barbarians, weak against Wyverns.
Shooters: Strong against Wyverns, weak against Beasts.
Repairers: Heals other mercenaries, shit at fighting.
Bomb Guys(?): Lol, I dunno, I never use them. Maybe they’re great!
Catapults and Stoners: Static Defense
There are three main paths to defend, though the one in the middle is gigantic. To start, I place some Defenders, Fighters, and Repairers. I can add more as the batle goes on, and adjust my composition to the enemy types.
HEAVEN OR HELL?! LET’S ROCK!!!
MUSIC: Fortress of the Condor
I like how the guy mentioned Barabarians, and the first things I see are Beasts and Wyverns. Rad.
I add in some shooters to help take care of the Wyverns. Shooters shoot from a distance, if their names didn’t give it away. Barbarians also attack from a distance. This means that you need to direct your troops to close the gap to attack them.
Ah, there he is.
Freedom Fighter: Be sure and scout the area well… We don’t know when they’ll attack again. We have 12 allies left, so here’s 2,400 gil. Oh yeah, I found this just now on the battlefield. Maybe it’ll come in handy for you guys.
Oh, good. It’s… a sub-par weapon for Red XIII. Hooray.
Let’s get the hell out of here.
We kind of knew that. You can’t cross the desert without the buggy, which is still parked out near Nibelheim.
MUSIC: The Gold Saucer
I’m not sure, but I think it actually is possible to lose the Gold Ticket. It’s a key item, so you can’t accidentally sell it or anything. But I think I have had it happen before where Cloud lost it, somehow. It’s not a huge deal, 30,000 gil is pretty much a drop in the bucket later on in the game.
Let’s play some games! The Wonder Square is the easiest way to accrue some easy GP early on.
Don’t mind if I do.
MUSIC: Mog House
The beginning of another day in the life of a Mog.
Oh, good! I don’t have to worry about looking for a mate yet?! YES. Thanks for the reassurance, Mog House!
Even though Mog trains hard everyday, he still can’t seem to get off the ground.
Here’s where you come in. Help Mog learn to fly by pushing [OK] and feeding him his favorite Kupo nut.
Man, I wish I could learn to fly by eating my favorite food. Anyways, if you give him a nut and he still wants more, he rubs his tummy, and it growls. When you’ve given him enough, he’ll raise his arms and give a little squeak. After that, just wait a few seconds, and then…
Geez, I wish life was more like Mog House. I would be super stoked if a girl I liked was just like “HEY, I’M COMING OVER.” I usually have trouble getting my friends to hang out, let alone a lady I’m interested in.
MUSIC: Ahead on Our Way
Her name is Mag. She is a good-natured Mog. Best of luck to the both of you, Mog and Mag. May you have lots and lots of healthy Mogs!
MUSIC: Gold Saucer
Employee: While your ride’s going ZOOM, you’re going BANG BANG, and things are going PHEW PHEW and you destroy them with a big BOOM. Pretty simple, isn’t it? Watch your power meter! When it’s full, it’ll go BROOOOOM and when it’s empty, it’ll only go …brm… and putter out. So be careful. If you make it to the top 3, you’ll get on the Wall of Fame.
BEST DESCRIPTION EVER.
The following song isn’t in the game, but I feel like it accurately depicts the following montage of pictures.
MUSIC: Saturday Morning Space Ride
The coaster pauses at the top of this hill to give you some time to try and take down the big UFO. This is where you’ll get all your points, if you can take it out.
I had a Turbo Controller with my PS1, it made this game super easy.
As long as you get over 3,000 points, you’ll get a prize.
ALL RIGHTY THEN
MUSIC: Battle Arena
This is likely the first time you’d be coming to the Battle Arena. It’s pretty simple.
There are 8 rounds of increasingly difficult battles. But after each round…
You roll the Slots, which will usually give you some sort of handicap, such as lowering your level, giving you a status effect, halving your speed, negating certain Materias, cutting off your items, etc.
While it IS technically possible to win all 8 rounds here, it’s very difficult. If you do, Dio will give you some extra prizes, but it’s not really worth it. However, we’ll be seeing a LOT of this place later on in the game…
MUSIC: Gold Saucer
Sweet! Back to the Temple of the Ancients!
Well, at least we get some free lodging out of the deal…
MUSIC: Anxious Heart
Wow, would ya look at that? The gang’s all here!
: I don’t really know what’s goin’ on because I wasn’t here in the beginning.
: Yeah, I’m for that!
: Good idea.
: I been here since the beginning, and I still don’t know what the hell’s goin’ on either. Cloud, the hell’s goin’ on? C’mon, tell us!
This is actually good at this point, because the plot has become kind of convoluted. What was initially a rebellion against Shinra has apparently turned into a chase after Sephiroth.
: Sephiroth must be in search of the Promised Land.
: The Promised Land?
: A land full of Mako energy. Or at least that’s what the Shinra believe. I don’t know if it actually exists.
: The Cetras will return to the Promised Land. A land that promises boundless happiness.
: Cetra? That some kind of disease?
: That’s what the Ancients call themselves. Hey, didn’t you listen to the elders at Cosmo Canyon?
: You search and travel, until you feel it. Then you just know that you’ve found it.
: Aeris… can you feel it too?
: I think so.
: So Sephiroth is traveling the world because he’s searching for the Promised Land? Is that it?
: He’s searching for that, and one other thing.
: The Black Materia?
Wait, what? What even is that? Why is this the first time this is being mentioned?
THANK YOU, Tifa. Neither have I. And I’ve been playing this game for like 13 hours.
: I think Hojo did something to those men in the black capes. I don’t know what it has to do with Sephiroth though. That’s why I think we should just go after Sephiroth himself.
: Yeah, me too! It’s all just too damn confusing.
: And… I’m sorry, forget it! I think I’m tired, I’m going to bed now.
*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*
All right, plenty of decisions I’ve been making up to this point will affect this moment!
So at this point, 1 of 4 characters will come to Cloud’s room to spend some time with him. The most common characters are Aeris and Tifa. But you can also get Barret and Yuffie to do so. It has to do with hidden affection points that you accrue through dialogue choices throughout the game and who you take with you at certain points. I was TRYING to get Yuffie… so… awhile back, my computer took a poop and I EVERYTHING. That means I had to replay FFVII to get up to the point I was at… and I was able to get the result I wanted so let’s RETCON THIS. The next few images will have an adjusted sidebar and text box.
It also makes the most sense for it to be either Tifa or Aeris, but dammit, I just find Yuffie adorable.
And now… let’s go on THE DATE.
MUSIC: Gold Saucer
Host: You are out 100th couple today! You two will play the leads in tonight’s show!
Host: Oh, now, it’s not hard. Just play it however you want and the rest of the cast will cover up for you.
: I don’t know what it’s all about, but it sounds kind of cool. Wanna try it, Cloud?
I would hate this shit. But then again, I never go on dates, so I guess it doesn’t really matter!
Narrator: An evil shadow appeared over the peaceful kingdom of Galdia… Princess Rosa was kidnapped by the Evil Dragon King, Valvados. What will become of her? Just then, the legendary hero, Alfred, appears!!
Knight: (hey, it’s your line!) AHEM. Oh… You must be the legendary hero, Alfred! By my soul, please… please save Princess Rosa! Now please… talk to the King!
King: On the peak of a dangerous mountain… dwells the Evil Dragon King, Valvados… who’s kidnapped Princess Rosa. But… you can’t beat the Evil Dragon King now! Talk to one who can help you…
Magic is overrated. Plus, I want to deny the Wizard ANY speaking time, so let’s talk to the knight!
Let’s see if we can make him do all the work. I like being lazy.
Narrator: Oh, what is going to happen next? Oh… Legendary Hero… look!
EDK: I am the Evil Dragon King… Valvados! I have not harmed the princess… I have been expecting you!
: Please help me, Legendary Hero! (was that good?)
EDK: Gaaaaah! Here I come, Legendary Hero Alfred! I already know your name!
YEAH, GET HIM!
…bwa ha ha ha!
Hmmm, well, did you see him take out that knight? Clearly, we can’t take him!
Let’s go to the King and tell him that his daughter is dead.
Uh…. that took a turn.
King: Now let’s all return… and celebrate!
Wizard: Yes, let’s! Yes, let’s!
SHUT UP, WIZARD.
Narrator: Oh, how profound the power of love… And so the legendary hero Alfred and our story live on happily ever after.
That’s pretty much the only correct reaction to that, I think.
MUSIC: Gold Saucer
Kiosk Worker: Here you go. Enjoy the sights of the Gold Saucer.
MUSIC: Interrupted by Fireworks
And now Yuffie will have a complex about ever getting close to anyone or expressing emotions ever again. Real nice, Cloud.
Uh… Cait Sith?
Cait Sith then runs off and leads us on a merry chase through the Gold Saucer.
First, the Battle Square.
Then, the Speed Square.
MUSIC: Anxious Heart
Cloud and Yuffie finally catch up, just a little too late.
: Yes, I was a spy. I was hired by the Shinra. I couldn’t help it. How ’bout we go on like nothing ever happened?
: No way, cat! You got a lot of guts acting like a friend, but being a spy!
: Then, what are you gonna do? Kill me? You’d just be wasting your time if you tried. This body’s just a toy anyway. My real body’s at Shinra Headquarters in Midgar. I’m controllin’ this toy cat from there.
Whoa, damn, Yuffie!
: We’re not gettin’ anywhere.
: See? I told you! Talking won’t do any good. So can’t we just continue our journey?
: You think I’m joking?!
: All right, yes. I am a Shinra employee. But we’re not entirely enemies. Something bothers me. I think it’s your way of life. You don’t get paid. You don’t get praised. Yet, you still risk your lives and continue on your journey. Seeing that makes me… It just makes me think about my life. I don’t think I’d feel too good if things ended the way they are now.
: Sounds fishy.
: He’ll never tell the truth. Once a spy, always a spy. We can’t go on with someone like that. Get real!
Marlene: Hey! It’s Cloud!
: So… you have to do as I say.
: You’re the lowest…
: I didn’t want to do this… using dirty tricks and taking hostages… But this is how it is. No compromises. So why don’t we go on as we did?
Well, that’s a sobering way to end the date. Even though Cloud didn’t seem to into it anyways.
Oh, fuck you, man.
So Cloud and Aeris have to go, which means we can only bring one other person…
I’ll bring Tifa. Why not?
As per usual, we can still talk to the other party members to get their current thoughts, and get another opportunity to switch up the party.
: The Temple of the Ancients is to the east. Shall we go?
: I’m startin’ to get nervous.
: The Temple of the Ancients… This might be pretty interesting…
: I don’t care what’s goin’ on. Let’s just go!
: I’m so excited, my tail’s starting to tingle. Let’s go, Cloud!
HOLY CRAP. That was WAY longer than I intended it to be. I don’t want to make an update this long again for awhile. I just couldn’t seem to find a good spot to break this one up. Thanks for reading!
NEXT LOADUP ON SAVE FILE: The Temple of the Ancients!