Welcome back to Save File Plays Final Fantasy VII! Last episode, all I wanted to do was explore, but then all of the Materia was stolen. So now we’re being led on some goddamn Scooby Doo chase to get it back, and the Turks are around, and I’m in the most stereotypical town in the game, and I JUST WANT THIS PART TO BE OVER. So let’s finish it, shall we?
It really isn’t that bad, it just feels very long to me.
MUSIC: Wutai
LET’S GET THIS OVER WITH.
So in the area with the Pagoda, if you go to the building on the left and ring the gong, a door appears. It’s actually really cool, and I wish that I could make a door appear by hitting a gong. Actually, I just wish that I had a gong.
Welp, may as well see what’s going on down there, right?
: Hey! Who do you think I… OW! What are you doing? Jerk!
Oh, crap! DEVELOPMENTS!
WHO?
AWWWWWWWWW SHIT.
MUSIC: Don of the Slums
: Corneo?!
Corneo: Hohi! I’ve finally got a new chicky! Two for one, in fact! Heh heh!
Wait, two for one?
OH, COME ON. How does this even happen? One of them is a ninja, and the other is supposed to be some sort of elite, super spy, badass!
Corneo and his ninjas run upstairs with the captives Yuffie and Elena. The party gives chase, but stops to check out those two treasure chests first (a Swift Bolt and an Elixir).
Ah, good. Shinra is here!
…wait.
THAT’S NOT GOOD AT ALL. Is it?
I’M SO CONFLICTED!!
Shinra Soldier: Attaaaaaack!!
Son of a…
MUSIC: Those Who Fight
I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOUR SHENANIGANS
FUCK OFF.
MUSIC: Wutai
We’ve emerged out into Godo’s House. Godo himself is suspiciously nowhere to be found though. Hmmm…
: Hmm… Corneo’s good at escaping.
: …Elena.
: Let’s go, Rude. We’ll give them a taste of what the Turks can do.
: If he has Elena, that’s going to make things a little difficult. And, uh…
: …Okay. Corneo took Yuffie from us. And without Yuffie, there’s no way we’ll get our Materia back.
: Don’t misunderstand. We have no intention of joining you. We’re only agreeing not to fight each other… for now.
: That’s fine. We have no intention of cooperating with you either. Now, uh… which direction did Corneo run off to?
: Hmm, nice attitude. Here’s a clue, it’s the most obvious place.
The most obvious place… Hmmm…
Ohhhh, could it be the gigantic, carved cliff face that is suspiciously missing from the world map?
: You do whatever it takes, but don’t endanger Elena. Don’t worry, we won’t do anything to hurt Yuffie. For now…
Andddd… BREAK!
FOUND HIM.
Corneo: Which shall it be? Hmm… Hmm… Should I take… HER?
: He-Hey, I’m a Turk! You can’t get away with this!
Corneo: Or… maybe… HER?
: Oh GAWD! If I knew this was gonna happen, I would’ve taken those rope lessons more seriously!
Corneo: Hmm!!! I’ve made my choice! My companion for the night will be…
: GROSS-NESS! Don’t mess with me, old man! You don’t even have any Materia!
Corneo: Ooooh! And she’s saucy, too! Wheee! Wheee!
She… she’s underage. You know that, right? STOP. STOP IT. STOP IT, RIGHT NOW.
THANK YOU.
Corneo: Wheeel… long time no see.
: Don’t tell me you forgot?
: Maybe God’d forgive an ugly bitch like you, but I won’t!
: You damn Midgar hyena!
Corneo: Be quiet! None of you know how much I’ve suffered since then… It’s a long story, but…
FUCK YEAH, Cid!
Corneo: …this time I’m not fooling around either… Why did you kill my little Aps? I’m gonna make you PLAY with my new pet, so you won’t interfere in my search for a bride! RAPPS!! Come here!
MUSIC: Those Who Fight Further
WHERE DOES HE KEEP FINDING THESE THINGS?!
Rapps isn’t too bad, but of course it’s made toughest by not having any Restore Materia.
Aero3 is dangerous, it can hit for around ~1500 HP. Which is ~80-90% of anyone’s HP.
…why does Cid have an option for Magic? WHAT. WHAT. WHAT HOW DID I NOT EVEN NOTICE THIS WHILE I WAS PLAYING, WHAT THE HELL
Anyways, a very handy strategy for this fight is to come in with Barret with his Limit Break set to Level 1, and ready to go. If you cast Mindblow on Rapps, it will drain away all of his MP, and make him unable to cast Aero3, which makes this battle much more manageable.
That’s not what I did.
But I won anyways.
MUSIC: Wutai
Corneo: Just wait a second!
: SHUT UP!!
Corneo: Just listen to me, it won’t take long. Why do you think a bad guy like me would swallow his pride and plead for his life?
- Because he’s ready to die
- Because he’s sure to win <<<<<<<
- Because he’s clueless
Oh geez, oh geez, oh geez
: I’M SO PISSED!
Corneo: Once I push this button, they’ll fall, and we’ll have SQUASHED TOMATOES!
: Damn!
: So this is how a loser lives?
: Damn tricky motherfucker!
Corneo: Ha ha ha ha! I guess I have the last laugh!
MUSIC: Turks’ Theme
: You knew that this was gonna happen ever since you leaked that secret. We’re going to take care of you… personally.
Corneo: DAMMIT! Then they’re all comin’ with me!
: Good timing, Rude… Let’s get to work.
: Why do you think we went to all the trouble of teaming up with these guys to get to you?
- Because we’re ready to die
- Because we’re sure to win
- Because we’re clueless
Corneo: Two… Number two?
: All wrong.
That sequence was just too awesome to not show in full. I REALLY want to see this scene in the remake.
: I never thought you’d come…
: Elena, don’t act so weak. You’re a Turk!
: Y…Yes, sir!
: Never thought you’d ever help us…
*FLEEDLE FLEEDLE FLEEDLE*
: Yes… yes… We’ll get on it right away.
: Was that the company?
: Yeah, they want us to find Cloud…
: Are we on…?
: No, today’s our day off.
…
MUSIC: Wutai
: Hey, the order is all messed up.
: Huh? Oh, it’ll be all right. Anyways, that sure was cl0se. No, normally I would kick their butts! Boom, bang!
: I’d rather deal with my dad than with that guy.
: You know, some of those Turk guys are pretty good, huh? At least, after all that, we got the Materia back. Now, come on everybody, let’s continue our journey. Hey!! W…wait! Oh, all right. Here, I’ll give this to you guys. Here, look, look!
: No matter what you think, I’m going with you! …Next time…
And that was the Wutai sidequest! Though, there’s more to it if you decide to head back in… We heard about the Pagoda, and Yuffie is the only one that can challenge it.
Also, yes, she TOTALLY screwed up our Materia placement.
Shopkeeper: We got some of the best blades right out of the furnace! So strike while the iron’s hot!
The Weapon shop is finally open to use, with substantial weapon upgrades for everyone! I can even afford all of them, if I want to! But in the interest of being frugal, I only buy new weapons for Cloud, Yuffie (who will be putting hers to use immediately), Aeris (who is mandatory for the next dungeon), Tifa, and Cid.
I’ve got Yuffie loaded up! Her setup is the best equipment available to her right now, 3 HP Plus Materia, the Counter Attack Materia, an Added Effect+Poison combo in her weapon, and then the Time, Restore and Barrier Materias. She doesn’t have any attack magic besides Poison, but that’s all right. I mostly want to make her fast, tanky, and hard to kill. If I can poison the enemies, she can outlast them.
Gorky: Then I, Sacred Gorky, will be your opponent on the first floor!
Gorky: Then, begin! POWER CHANGE!
WOO!! YUFFIE vs. GORKY! FIGHT!!
Oddly enough, I find Gorky to be one of the harder battles in the Pagoda. He’s not that strong, but he’s very good at staying alive. He casts Barrier on himself very quickly.
Yuffie buffs up with Haste and a Barrier of her own.
Regen is part of why Gorky is so annoying. Regen is BROKEN in this game. It constantly restores health. It’s pretty much the best spell in the game. And I don’t have it yet. But when I do… oh, baby.
I also finally get to show off Yuffie’s Level 2 Limit Break, Landscaper. However, it’s about at this time that I begin to question the wisdom of using a land-based attack against a flying enemy.
Whoops. But after a liberal dose of poison, and a bunch of attacks, Gorky takes a dive.
: Of course!
Shake: Hmm, I thought you were just a girl, but you handled that pretty good! Let’s see how you do on the next one…
Shake: Are you blind? I’m right here!
: What? I gotta fight a punk?
Shake: Heh! Punk. I’m more of an adult than some bimbo girl!
: W-what did you say?!
Shake: See what I mean? That kind of anger is what makes you so immature! Don’t pat yourself on the back until you beat me!
: Now watch!
Shake: ‘Bout the only thing you do really good is breathe! Are you sure you wanna fight?
WOO! YUFFIE vs. SHAKE! FIGHT!!!
Shake isn’t too bad. He only has regular attacks, and Rage Bomber, which is a percentage attack based on Yuffie’s HP.
Barrier helps to soften all of his attacks.
Ah, yes, much more effective than against Gorky.
Also, being able to poison the enemy is super helpful here. Since it’s a one on one fight each time, any extra damage is a major help.
: Of course!
Chekhov: Ho ho ho… It’s been a while since I felt pain…
NEXT.
Chekhov: Unfortunately, this is as far as it goes. Staniv, you watch over there.
: That ain’t going to happen! I’ll teach you about the strength of youth!
Chekhov: Keep mouthing off like that, little girl, and you’re going to get burned.
: I got insurance.
Chekhov: Ho ho ho. We’ll see if you still talk like that after you taste some of my Sacred Magic… MAGIC CHANGE!
WOO! YUFFIE vs. CHEKHOV!! FIGHT!!!
Chekhov can be annoying, but it’s possible to completely neuter her strategy. She’s a stronger version of one of the enemies fought back on Mt. Nibel. She wants to paralyze you using Stare Down, and then suck away your health. However, between now and then, you should have come across an accessory called the Jem Ring, which prevents Paralysis.
EASY.
: Of course!
Staniv: This should be interesting! It’s been too long since I’ve had a chance to use my full power…
NEXT!
Staniv: In other words, no one has ever defeated me; Master of Weaponry! You still want to try?
: Just come on!!
Staniv: I like you! Now watch… WEAPON CHANGE!!
WOO! YUFFIE vs. STANIV! FIGHT!
I find Staniv to be the easiest fight by far.
All he does is whack Yuffie with his weapon. Keep her HP up, and she’ll be fine.
: Of course!
…HIM?
HIM??
HIM??? OH GOD, NO!!
…oh.
: Why, why are you…
Godo: I’ll answer you by having you try your skills against me! Hold nothing back. Come as if you are trying to kill me! If you don’t… then I’ll have to kill you!
: H-hey!
Godo: What are you doing? OMNI-CHANGE!!
MUSIC: Those Who Fight Further
WOO! YUFFIE vs GODO!! FIGHT!!!
Godo can be pretty tough. He has three faces. Depending on which one is facing forward, he does different things. The red face attacks physically, using Beast Sword or regular attacks.
Make sure to cast Barrier. Haste is handy, but not necessary.
The White Face uses status spells and Drain. he likes to cast Mini, which can be crippling if you don’t have any Cornucopia items. Yuffie also came in equipped with the White Cape, which prevents Mini and Frog.
I don’t get a good shot of it, but the Gold Face uses offensive magic, particularly Bio and Gravity.
And then the damnedest thing happens. I really think my game glitched here.
Somehow, Godo takes 7777 damage. I don’t know how or why. I know there’s a thing called All Lucky 7s that can happen, but your HP needs to hit 7777 for that to happen, and in almost 20 years of playing this game, I have never had it happen. I don’t know what this was, or how or why it happened. But I’ll take it.
YUFFIE WINS!!!
MUSIC: Wutai
She gets a decent chunk of Exp for herself, but the more important thing is the 40,000(!) Gil, and All Creation, which is her Level 4 Limit Break item.
MUSIC: Wutai
: O…old coot… not… bad…
Godo: You’ve… also… improved…
: Hah… ha ha…
Godo: Heh heh…
: Ha ha haaaaa!
Godo: Waaaa ha haaaaa!
Godo: This is Leviathan Materia. Take it.
Staniv: But Lord Godo… Leviathan Materia should only be given to the person who conquers and takes over this Pagoda. That is our custom…
: CUSTOM, CUSTOM, CUSTOM! I’m so sick of hearing that! It’s so stupid!
Gorky: Silence, Miss Yuffie!
: Then what about all of you? With all of your power? Are you satisfied being cooped up in this tower?
Godo: Yuffie!
: You turned Wutai into a place like this!
Chekhov: What do you mean?
: You turned Wutai into a cheesy resort town peddling to tourists… How dare you?! Da-chao Statue and Leviathan are ashamed!
Godo: …
Shake: …she IS a kid.
: W-what did you say?
Godo: Forgive me… it’s all my fault.
Gorky: What are you saying, Lord Godo?!
Godo: Losing the war… turning Wutai into this. It was all my fault.
Chekhov: Lord Godo!
Godo: Silence!!
Godo: I am the same now as I was before when I wanted war. But after losing, I began to think… is strength for beating enemies, or something to show off? Might begets might. The same as Shinra. I knew you were looking for Materia for the good of Wutai. But the reason I hide my strength now is also for the good of Wutai. And now I realize both are necessary. Strength without determination means nothing. And determination without strength is equally useless!
Staniv: Lord Godo…
Godo: I perceive that you all have both determination and strength!
: Well, just tell yourself you’re on a big ship, and leave the rest to ol’ Cid!
: All right, I don’t mind.
Godo: Go, Yuffie! For the sake of Wutai!
: Dad…
Godo: I’ll take care of the Five Sacred Gods until you return! Go! And come back alive!
Everyone begin to file out, until…
MUSIC: Stolen Materia
Godo: Do you think they’ll still want all their Materia??
: …Dad!
Godo: Go! Fight ’til the end! But come back! With the Materia!
: Heh heh… you bet!
…
And we’ll finally end this behemoth of an update with a shot of Godo flexing by himself. HULKAMANIA, BROTHER!
WELL.
This game should be subtitled “Parent issues.” We know Sephiroth has a mommy complex, Barret is a stepfather with a guilty conscience, Aeris is adopted, both Yuffie and Red XIII had daddy issues that have been solved throughout the course of the game thus far. WHAT’S NEXT?!
NEXT LOADUP ON SAVE FILE: The Temple of the Ancients, maybe?
