Welcome back to Save File Plays FFVII! It. uh… it’s been awhile since I’ve done this. But last time, I managed to coerce an underage ninja to join the team, and I’m also planning on FIGHTING THE POWER. More so than before, even. But I had to go make some money first. Hopefully I made enough. I also gained some levels, which is pretty helpful. Let’s give this a shot, shall we?
BACK TO FORT CONDOR!
The scale in this game is pretty abysmal. But it’s all right, this was the first 3D Final Fantasy!
MUSIC: If You Open Your Heart
Oh, thank goodness. My patience for grinding in video games has greatly diminished the older I get.
All right, this is a fun little mini-game in which you hire mercenaries and use them to battle the incoming army. You actually only have to do it once in the entire game, but you can do it a couple of times and get some cool items for doing so. Plus, I think it’s fun!
Let’s do it!
OH COME ON.
So on top of donating 30,000 gil to this guy, you pay for the mercenaries OUT OF POCKET, on TOP of whatever you donated.
Because I can’t hire any mercs, the enemy automatically gets to invade.
Oh, shut up! YOU SUCK!
We’re up against the Vagyrisk. It’s not particularly tough, but it is a damage sponge, for sure. Lots of health.
Well, I’ll get to show this off eventually. Later on in the game, money is pretty easy to come by. But for pretty much the entire first disc, money is pretty tight. You can really only buy the best equipment for your current party. If you try to outfit everyone in the best gear, you’re gonna have a rough time.
Funnily enough, it’s entirely possible to completely skip over Fort Condor. You can also skip getting Yuffie. Basically, I spent most of last episode and the start of this one doing completely optional things. But I’m going to do as much as I can, damn it! Now I’m next to our ACTUAL destination, Junon.
MUSIC: Ahead On Our Way
Eesh. It’s looking a little worse for wear.
Old Woman: Wow, now this is rare. We almost never have anyone other than the Shinra people visit this town.
Old Man: There’s been no fish in the water! It’s gotten so polluted… phew…
May as well go see what all the hubbub is about.
Priscilla: My name is Priscilla! Pri-scil-la! Now you say it!
MUSIC: Those Who Fight Further
Aw, geez, man!
FLY, YOU FOOL!
Son of a…
Bottomswell is our next boss! Bottomswell is a long-range enemy, which means that only characters equipped with a long range weapon can physically attack him. I brought Yuffie along for that very reason. Barret’s weapon is unfortunately only short range. Luckily, I found that handy-dandy Long Range Materia in the Mythril Caves, so Cloud has that equipped.
In retrospect, Barret has the most powerful weapon equipped, so I should have given it to him instead, but it’s too late now!
Luckily, Bottomswell doesn’t really hit that hard.
Bottomswell also has an attack called Bubble, which is very similar to Reno’s Pyramid from way back when. It’s a little tougher though. It can only be dissipated by casting magic on it, and while a character is contained in a bubble, they’re HP steadily drops down as if they’re suffocating.
Get rid of it as quickly as possible.
MUSIC: Ahead On Our Way
Well, if she isn’t breathing, she’ll be dead soon, you dolts!
Villager: Just take a deep breath, hold it in. Then breathe into her. Hurry up and do it!
I… I think there’s a little more to CPR than that, but whatever. That’s all it takes in this game! After a silly little mini-game where Cloud performs mouth to mouth resuscitation on Priscilla…
Villager: Hey hey! Priscilla, are you all right?
He then scoops her up and runs off with her.
We can go check on her, but…
MUSIC: Who Are You?
: Who are you?
???: …you’ll find out soon. But more importantly, 5 years ago…
: 5 years… Nibelheim?
???: When you went to Mt. Nibel, Tifa was your guide, right?
: Yeah… surprised me.
???: But where was Tifa other than that?
: I dunno.
???: It was a great chance for you two to see each other again.
: You’re right.
???: Why couldn’t you see each other alone?
: …I don’t know. I can’t remember clearly.
???: Why don’t you try asking Tifa?
???: Then, get up!
MUSIC: Welcoming Ceremony
: When Sephiroth and I went to Nibelheim, where were you?
: …we saw each other, right?
: The other time.
: No… it was 5 years ago. I don’t remember. But something seems strange outside. Cloud, come quick.
YEAH, NO, THAT DIDN’T SEEM LIKE SHE WAS AVOIDING THE SUBJECT OR ANYTHING.
: Does this have something to do with the Shinra?
: Seems like something’s goin’ on up there!
: I heard that girl regained consciousness.
: Doesn’t it seem a little strange? Everything getting so noisy all of a sudden?
Priscilla: Umm… thanks for helping…
: What’s that music? It sure sounds lively.
Priscilla: I heard they’re rehearsing the reception for the new Shinra president.
: Rufus?! I gotta pay my respects.
Priscilla: Grandpa and Grandma told me this beach was beautiful when they were small. But after the Shinra built that city above, the sun stopped shining here, and the water got polluted. I was raised on that story and hate Shinra so much, I could die!
: You think Rufus is thinking about crossing the ocean from here too? But does that mean Sephiroth already crossed the ocean?
: Cloud, didn’t you finish Rufus off?
Damn, with the judgment and all! HE HAD A SPELLCASTING PANTHER, A SHOTGUN, AND A HELICOPTER.
Priscilla: No! No! There’s a high voltage current running underneath the tower. Don’t wander near it, it’s dangerous! But… you might be able to if Mr. Dolphin helps you. Follow me!
: High voltage tower… I guess this means Cloud’ll have to do it.
: Yeah, better leave it to Cloud!
: We’re counting on you, Cloud.
: Hey!! Wait a second!
And the rest of the party, like the bunch of jerks they are, ignore Cloud and go their own separate ways.
Priscilla: Pretty cool, huh? When I blow this whistle, Mr. Dolphin jumps for me. here!! This is for you, Cloud!
: A gift? What am I supposed to do with it?
Priscilla: Just go into the water, blow this whistle, and Mr. Dolphin will jump you to the top of the pole!
: Jump to the top of the pole?
Priscilla: See that rod sticking out at the top? If you jump just right, you can climb to the top of the town.
: Good luck, Cloud! If you make it, we’ll follow you. Whoa, I’ll hold the PHS for you. It’ll break if it gets wet.
How will you follow him? WHAT IF HE GETS ROASTED TO DEATH BY ELECTRICITY?? DO YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS?!
I then try and get the damn dolphin to jump cloud up onto the damn tower. It takes far too long.
It takes FAR too long. Lucky for you, you don’t have to experience it like I did! LOOK HOW QUICK THAT WAS!
WHOA. Looks like we’re entering FMV land!
Oooooo… nice airship.
One day, I’m gonna fly that airship.
I used to think that this elevator was unnecessarily gigantic. But then I realized that it’s like a freight elevator, or used to move big vehicles. Or something like that. And then I realized how critically I was thinking about this video game. And I moved on with my life.
What? How the hell did I get roped into this?
Officer: You remember the greeting procedure, right? The look on your face says you don’t. I’ll show you again! Do just like I do.
Soldier #1: This is how to do it!
Soldier #2: We’ll sing too!
Officer: All right! Show ’em! Now march! This is the Welcoming March!
Soldier #1: Then I’ll sing along with you!
Soldier #2: Quietly! Aaaaah! Aaaaah! Hey, come on now. Now!
Officer: Once you’re all in step, shoulder your gun!
Officer: All right, show time! Don’t disgrace yourselves!
I GUESS WE BETTER BOOK IT!
Wait, why am I so into this? This is a Shinra parade. I’m supposed to hate the Shinra. I GUESS I’M JUST CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT.
Officer: Late?! You, rookie! It’s your fault for running around like that!
Soldier: Captain!! We’ll take a short cut!
Officer: Right! Good idea. Get over here!!
Aw, stupid game, putting me on rails *grumble grumble*
Officer: Just sneak into the back of the line when you see an opening. Now listen up! This parade’s gonna be broadcast live on Shinra TV around the world! If you look bad, the whole Junon army will look bad. Remember that and don’t screw up! Okay! Jump in when I give you the sign! Just sneak in from the back! Don’t mess up the row! And no matter what you do, don’t try and go in from the front!
I… I guess I did it? I was never good at this.
AD: I don’t know.
Producer: Are the points up?
AD: Well, it’s so-so.
Producer: Hmm… better send that soldier something.
Officer: Oh! President Rufus! Hey! Line up and shut up! Don’t make a move!
: How’s the job? What happened to the airship?
: The long range airship is still being prepared. it should be ready in about three more days. Gya haa haa!
: Even the Air Force’s Gelnika?
: Gya haa haa!
: Stop that stupid horse laugh. Things are different than when Father was in charge.
: Is the ship ready?
: Yes, sir. We’ll get it ready quickly.
Heidegger is so pissed he comes over and decks Cloud a few times. Just because.
Soldier #1: Heidegger was really irritated!
Soldier #2: The man in the Black Cape has been roaming the city, but we can’t find him…
: Man in the Black Cape?
Soldier #2: He showed up two or three days ago, and killed a few of our soldiers. He disappeared after that. There’s a rumor going around that it was Sephiroth.
Officer: Attention! Dismissed! Hey! Hey, you! You messing with the army?
Who cares? What if I am?
NEXT TIME: Detention! Junon! BOATS!