Some Sort of Stair Pun – FFVII Ep 8

Welcome back to Save File Plays Final Fantasy VII. Last time, a lot of people died. Like… a lot. Some of them were even kind of important. But they’re dead now, so whatever, I guess. More importantly, one of our team was captured. Since we can’t do anything about dead people, we should probably go rescue our trapped friend. I guess.

So let’s do it!

But one thing of note very quickly.

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New Materia! Sense tells you how much HP/MP an enemy has, and if it has any weaknesses or resistances. It might also tell you if it has anything to steal, I don’t remember. Of course, I think it doesn’t really work on bosses. I’ll try it out eventually.

MUSIC: Oppressed People

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What the… how did you know we’re going up to the plate?!

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Owner: Hey, you knew? I repaired them, so it’s all right.
Cloud: Why do I need batteries to climb up to the plate?
Owner: You’ll find out when you get there. How about 100 gil for each?
Cloud: All right, I’ll take them.

He’s right, you actually need them to advance. Luckily, 300 gil really isn’t that much. Hell, I paid 200 for a Protein Drink, which in turn got me a Diamond Tiara, so that I could dress up like a woman to… you know what? You were there. I don’t need to go over it.

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OKAY THEN!

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Tifa: Can we climb it?
Kid: Yeah. It leads to the upper world.
Barret: All right! We’ll climb the wire!
Cloud: There’s no way we can do this. You know how far it goes up?
Barret: There IS a way! Look! What’s that look like?
Cloud: Just a normal wire.

MUSIC: A Full Scale Attack

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Tifa: You’re right. This is the only way to save Aeris…
Cloud: Okay, that was a bad analogy, but Barret, I understand how you feel. Let’s go!

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So there’s a bunch of wreckage up above that we need to work our way through.

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Cloud: I guess I’ll just have to believe the shopkeeper.

And yes, there are a few spots where having the batteries is necessary to proceed. THEY ARE NECESSARY.

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Using a battery causes the suspiciously rendered rotor up above to spin a bit, which aligns it so that we can climb over it to proceed further on.

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A second battery is utilized to raise that gate, which is somehow sturdy enough to support Cloud’s weight, as well as Barret and Tifa, who apparently disappear into a pocket universe in Cloud’s outfit when they’re not speaking.

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The third battery is optional and actually somewhat easy to miss. But if you pop a battery in here, the chest above the plug opens up and an Ether pops out. May as well, right? Selling it will more than make up for the 300 Gil I spent buying 3 batteries.

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There’s a very annoying little timed event here where you have to press a button at the appropriate time to get Cloud to jump onto that swinging pole. I failed it about 8 times before getting it right, because there are absolutely no cues.

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And that’s how the party made it to Shinra HQ!

MUSIC: The Shinra Corporation

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OBLIGATORY BADASS PARTY SHOT.

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Let’s get this over with.

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Cloud: …Not really, now that I think about it, this is the first time I’ve ever been to the Headquarters.
Barret: I heard about this place before. Every floor above the 60th is special and not easy to get to even for employees. Must be where they took Aeris. The security’s pretty light now. All right, let’s go!
Tifa: Wait a second! You’re not thinking of just going right through the main entrance, are you?
Barret: Well, what else does it look like?! I’m gonna kick some Shinra butt and…
Tifa: That’s not going to work! We’ve got to find another way…
Barret: Ain’t gonna be no other way! If we keep wastin’ time like this, Aeris’ll…
Tifa: I know that! But if we get caught here… Hey, Cloud, what should we do?
Cloud: Let’s bust on in! Let’s sneak in quietly.

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So from here, we still could bust right on in the front door. But I said we were gonna sneak in, so sneak in we shall.

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Heading off to the left gets us into this little alleyway looking place. …and the other way in.

MUSIC: Infiltrating Shinra Tower

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Tifa
: Oh, do what you want! I’m going ahead!
Barret: Y-yo, Tifa! Don’t go alone!

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Cloud: …because we don’t want to start a commotion until we’ve saved Aeris. If that’s possible…
Barret: Heh heh heh…
Cloud: Knock it off. You’re giving me the creeps.

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Cloud: Who cares what you figured!
Barret: I’m just sayin’ maybe I was wrong…
Tifa: Heh heh heh…
Cloud: What’s that supposed to mean, Tifa?

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Tifa: Why don’t you ask them?
Barret: It’s not one of them endless stairways or somethin’, is it?
Tifa: Of course not!
Barret: Right… couldn’t be that…

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Tifa: Not yet.
Barret: …there yet?
Tifa:  I said not yet!
Barret: Yo…
Tifa: Look, don’t even ask! We’re way, way, way, way far away from being there, okay?!

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This is our reward for taking the long way around. Elixirs heal HP and MP to full. They’re pretty awesome. I’ll probably never use one.

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Tifa: It’ll take just as long to go down as it did to come up.
Barret: …
Tifa: Come on, Barret. Pull it together!
Barret: Yeah, well, all I know is I’m only flesh ‘n’ blood… ‘cept for this arm of mine. Don’t treat me like I’m some ex-SOLDIER or somethin’.
Tifa: What about me?! I’m human too! Oh, do what you want, I’m going on!

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Tifa finally begins to question the wisdom of climbing up stairs while wearing a miniskirt. After about 40 floors.

Barret: What’re ya ignorant? …I didn’t mean that.
Tifa: All right, all right. Cloud, you go ahead too.

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Tifa: …I stopped counting.
Barret: Why they gotta build these buildings so damn tall? That Shinra… They’re just no damn good.
Tifa: …

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Barret: Marlene, daddy wanted to see your face one more time…
Tifa: Would you stop acting like a retard and climb?! It’s just a bit more! …maybe.

Wow, the word “retard” being used in a game from 1997. I highly doubt that would fly today.

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Barret: …never wanna see… no more stairs… the rest of my life…
Tifa: Huff… puff… I’m beat… But here we are. We’d better get ready!

I’m ready for something new after climbing all of those stairs.

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FIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHTTTTTT!!!!

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The red dudes are Mighty Grunts. They’re pretty tough, and hit pretty hard. When you do enough damage to them, the armor disappears and they turn into that blue thing, which has stupid high evasion and is annoying. If you can OHKO them though, the transformation doesn’t take place.

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We got a keycard!

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Wow, I think that elevator would make me uncomfortable.

For reference’s sake, if we decided to bust through the front door, we would be forced into about 15 battles, then end up in the same place anyways.

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Unique transitions and camera angles!

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You know, we can talk to these guards, and they’ll say that, but they won’t do anything about it. They are bad at their jobs.

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Barret: Cloud, you go on ahead and signal us when it’s safe to move.

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The guards move back and forth. The idea is to move from statue to statue while they’re moving so that you don’t get spotted. The guards on the left walk, while the guards on the right run, but we don’t have to worry about them yet.

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Once Cloud is behind the console in the middle, you have to give the signal to Barret and Tifa to get them to do the same thing.

And if you get caught…

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You’re forced into a battle.

As I avoided a ton of battles by taking the long way up, I avoided a lot of fights. I’m not okay with that. So I get caught on purpose here 4 times. After the fourth…

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Barret: If I knew it’d be like this in the first place…
Tifa: Shhh! Now let’s move on.

Now, you might notice that we only have a Keycard 60, but luckily, the door to Floor 61 is stuck open, so we’re able to get in there.

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Guy: Even employees can’t access floors above the 60th without a keycard.

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Redhead: Say, you’re cute. Let me teach you some… things.
Cloud: Things?
Redhead: Wipe that stupid look off your face. I was only going to teach you how to get to the next floor. The higher ups in the company use the floors above the 60th floow. But you can’t get there without a keycard. Get a keycard and you can use the elevators freely. *DING* …voila! Hear that sound and the door will open. Just remember there are different types of cards. One keycard alone won’t let you go everywhere. “Keycard 60” only takes you to the 60th floor. “Keycard 65” only takes you to the 65th floor. It’s a security system worthy of Shinra. After all, they control everything in Midgar and in the world for that matter. Oh, I have to go. Gotta get back to work!

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Dude: Aeris? How did you know that name? You must be… Aeris, you mean that kid. The receptionist? I was startin’ to worry about her too. And so another rival appears on the scene, eh? You mean she’s not? It’s someone else?

This is actually the guy we need to talk to in order to make any sort of progress. But we need to pick the other dialogue option.

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Dude: Shinra Inc. Repair Division! You know, this building looks like it’s starting to fall apart. This door was just pushed open. You ought to fix this right away. Oh yeah, and take a look on the other floors too. Here, take this.

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I got another thing!

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Fella: It’s tough working under someone. It wears you out.

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Welp, the 61st Floor was just a stopgap so we could reach the 62nd.

Oh, and I’d like to point out that even though that lady said she had to go back to work, she’s still totally just standing there.

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Onwards and upwards!

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Domino: You all must be those… ahem… Me? I’m Domino, the Mayor of Midgar. Actually, I’m Mayor in name only. The city and everything in it is really run by Shinra, Inc. My only real job is watching over Shinra’s documents. Me! The Mayor! A librarian! Ohh… You want to get upstairs? I tell you what, if you can guess the password, I’ll give you my keycard. Yes, that’s it. Guess the password and I’ll give you my keycard! Get it on the first try and I’ll even throw in a special item!

Can’t blame the guy. It seems like he’s pretty fed up with his job.

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Hart: What? A password? Oh, I get it… He’s got way too much time on his hands. But you can’t really blame him, everything in Midgar is controlled by President Shinra. Maybe I can help you.

LOCK HIM IN THE SHARPSHOOTER.

Hart: As a public servant, it’s my job to serve the needs of the people. So here’s a hint… for 500 gil. Oh, my… well, thank you very much. Now listen. On this floor are four research  libraries for four different sections of Shinra, Inc. Parts of the password are hidden in each of the libraries. Pay careful attention to the files in each room. The name of each library is written on the plaque outside the door.

He’s stupid. You’re stupid. THIS IS STUPID.

So the idea is to go into the libraries, find the file that is out of place, look at its number, correspond that number to a letter in the alphabet, and make a password out of that. But I impatient, and the reward isn’t even that great, so I just guess at it. I think if you pay the Hitman enough, he’ll tell you the password, but the hints get exponentially more expensive, so screw that.

I manage to get it on my second guess.

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Domino: God, I love the sound of that! KING!! President Shinra sucks! I should be King of Midgar! …hmm. Well, okay. Here, take it. Hmm. It appears you’re not completely stupid. Fine then, take this.

He hands over an Elixir and Keycard 65. It occurs to me now that I actually think the prize for first guess IS something I would want… pretty sure it’s an Elemental Materia. Well… crap. Too late now. An Elixir is still pretty nice.

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Domino: Revenge, of course! Shinra’s been torturing me forever. That’s why I was a little rough on you all just now. Now go up there and really make them suffer. That ought to teach them! Heh heh heh…

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I’m going to take a pass on the 63rd Floor for right now, since this update is getting a little long. I’ll come back to it.

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Because there’s free rest and a Save Point on the 64th Floor!

Next Loadup on Save File: More infiltration and junk!

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