Ain’t No Gettin’ Offa This Train – FFVII Ep. 3

Oh, hello. Welcome back to Save File Plays FFVII. Last time, we saw the fallout of our first mission. Billions of dollars worth of damage, civilians dead, our party caving in on itself. But it’s okay, because we’re the GOOD GUYS. This time, we’re going to do it again! So we best get right to it!

MUSIC:  None!

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Barret: This ain’t no private car! So split up!
Shinra Manager: Hoodlums again. God, don’t I just have all the luck?
Barret: You say sumthin’?

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Barret: What’s goin’ on?
Shinra Manager: DAMN! It… it’s empty because of… g, guys like you. You… you’ve seen the news, right? AVALANCHE says there’ll be more bombings. Only devoted employees like me would go to Midgar on a day like today.
Barret: You work for Shinra?
Shinra Manager: I won’t give in to violence… and I’m no giving you my seat either!
Tifa: Barret!

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Barret: @#$%! The hell you so calm? You’re bustin’ up my rhythm!
Tifa: Looks like they finished connecting the cars. We’re finally leaving.
Cloud: So what’s our next target?
Barret: Hah! Listen to Mr. Serious-about-his-work! All right, I’ll tell ya! Jessie’s probably already told you, but there’s a security check point at the top plate. It’s an ID scan system checkin’ all the trains.
Tifa: Which Shinra is very proud of.
Barret: We can’t use our fake IDs anymore…

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Tifa: That means we’ve got only three more minutes to the ID Check point.
Barret: All right, in three minutes, we’re jumpin’ off this train. Got it?!

Wait… what?

Doesn’t that seem the slightest bit, oh, I don’t know… suicidal? You can’t just tuck and roll off of a moving train. I mean, I guess I’m working under the assumption that it’s going at leash 65 MPH. But maybe it’s not? Oh well, who am I to question VIDEO GAME LOGIC ™?

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The homeless guy is still super chill.

Shinra Manager: Don’t… don’t worry about me. (oh man, oh man, oh man…!! I’m gonna brag to everyone at work about this…)

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Barret: So let’s hear YOUR explanation!

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Tifa: It’s all right. Come a little closer.

Well, don’t mind if I…

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Aw, darn it…

MUSIC:  Hurry

Tifa: That’s odd. The ID Check Point was supposed to be further down.

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Announcement: Unidentified passengers confirmed… A search of all cars will be conducted! Repeat!! Type A Security Alert!! Unidentified passengers confirmed… A search of all cars will be conducted!
Tifa: What’s happening?
Barret: What’s goin’ on?!
Jessie: We’re in trouble. I’ll explain later. Hurry! Get to the next car!
Barret: @#$%! Someone blew it…

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Homeless Guy: You’d talk to me even now? I’m impressed. Here, take this.


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Barret: All right! We clear?
Jessie: Not yet. They’re starting another check. If we’re caught, we’re done for! But don’t worry. If we move up the train, car by car, we should get past it!

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Barret: All right! We made it! Yo! This way! Let’s go! We’re gonna dive out of here!
Tifa: Scary, huh?
Cloud: Too late for that now. Why’d you come along, anyway?
Tifa: Because…
Barret: Hey you two! There ain’t no time for that!?
Tifa: Yeah!! I’ve made up my mind! Watch Closely. I’m gonna jump!

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Welp, she just jumped out of a fast, moving train. She’s dead.

Cloud: You don’t care if I go first?
Barret: A leader always stays ’til the end. Don’t worry about me, just go! Yo, don’t go gettin’ your spiky-ass hurt! It’s only the beginning of the mission! Later, you take care of the rest!

Well, Cloud, Barret and Tifa are all dead from jumping out of a moving train. Let’s continue on with our party of Biggs, Wedge and Jessie!

MUSIC: Lurking in the Darkness

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You cannot be serious. THIS was the plan? How are you guys taken seriously?

Oh, yeah, the billions of damage and thousands killed thing.

Barret: Don’t let your guard down till we get to the Sector 5 reactor. Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie got everything ready for us. So MOVE it. The reactor’s just down this tunnel!

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Barret: Yo, Cloud, what are we gonna do?
Cloud: Go down.
Barret: But damn, man, that gives me the chills.

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Down we go.

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I never use Ethers. Well, I sell them, so I guess that’s kind of like using them. 750 Gil this early in the game is a Godsend.

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It takes a surprisingly long while to get into our first battle. And now we also finally hear the battle music proper.

MUSIC: Those Who Fight

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We’ve got a 3 person party!

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Tifa attacks  by punching and kicking. Let’s be honest, there’s always one.

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MUSIC: Victory Fanfare

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You know, I guess I really never did notice how sexualized Tifa is. Her victory pose is just her shoving her chest out. Accentuated by her suspenders which go around her breasts. And then the whole fact that she’s wearing a miniskirt. Jeepers.

MUSIC: Lurking in the Darkness

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Jessie: The ID scan problem on the train was all my fault. I modified your ID card, and that’s what did it… I did my best… but I failed.


It’s okay, Jessie.

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Biggs: Cloud, we’re counting on you to blow up the reactor!

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MUSIC: Mako Reactor

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Okay, this is starting to look a little more familiar.

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I guess all reactors are set up the same. That makes sense though.

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Uh oh, this is different…


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Young Tifa: Sephiroth?! Did Sephiroth do this to you? Sephiroth… SOLDIER… Mako Reactors… Shinra… I hate them all!


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Tifa: You all right?
Cloud: …Tifa.
Tifa:  Mmm?
Cloud: No… forget… Come on, let’s hurry!

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That… that’s it? The bomb’s set up? No security? No alarms? No boss? Nothing?

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This is a little different. This shot just looks a little trippy because I caught it in the middle of a transition to battle.

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Another Ether. Nice.

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This should be good.

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There we go. Third time’s the charm.

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MUSIC: The Shinra Corporation

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Cloud: …a trap.

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Tifa: Why is the President here?
Shinra: Hmm… So you all must be… What was it?
Barret: AVALANCHE! And don’t ya forget it! So you’re President Shinra, huh?
Cloud: Long time no see, sir.
Shinra: Long time no see? Oh… you. You’re the one who quit SOLDIER and joined AVALANCHE. I knew you’d been exposed to Mako, from the look in your eyes. Tell me, traitor… what was your name?
Cloud:  Cloud.
Shinra: Forgive me for asking, but I can’t be expected to remember everyone’s name. Unless you become another Sephiroth. Aah, Sephiroth… He was brilliant. Perhaps too brilliant.
Cloud: Sephiroth?

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Shinra: And such a waste of good fireworks, just to get rid of vermin like you…
Barret: VERMIN?! That’s all you can say? VERMIN?! Shinra are the VERMIN for killing the Planet! Guess that’d make you King VERMIN! So shut up, jackass!
Shinra: …you are beginning to bore me. I’m a very busy man, so if you’ll excuse me… I have a dinner I must attend.
Barret: Dinner?! Don’t gimme that! I ain’t even started wit’ you yet!
Shinra: But, I’ve made arrangements for a playmate for you all.?
Tifa: What’s that noise?!
Barret: The hell is that?!

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Shinra: I’m sure the data he’ll extract from your dead bodies will be of great use to us in future experiments.
Cloud: Techno-soldier?

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Barret: Yo, Cloud! We’ve gotta do somethin’ about him!
Tifa: Help, Cloud! THIS is from SOLDIER?
Cloud: No way! It’s just a machine!
Barret: I don’t care what it is!! I’m gonna bust him up!

MUSIC: Those Who Fight Further

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So the side attack is pretty nice. Because any attack inflicted on the back of the Air Buster does double damage. Which is why Barret’s regular attack is doing so much in this shot.

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An attack to the back prompts a counter attack though. It might attack with Rear Guns, but usually it will turn around and do a regular physical attack or Big Bomber, its most damaging attack. Turning around means that Cloud can now do double damage to its back though. Also, this shot has Tifa doing her limit break. At level 1 it’s just Beat Rush, and we get a reel. If we manage to land it on a Yeah! It’ll be a critical attack. A regular hit will just do normal damage.

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This isn’t that impressive, but she didn’t get to hit its back.

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Big Bomber in action. It hits pretty hard, around 100 HP, which is 1/3 from any of our characters, currently.

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Dang, maybe hitting from the back does 3x damage. That is a LOT of damage.

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Barret’s Limit Break, Big Shot.

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After doing enough damage, the Air Buster is unable to turn around.

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After winning, we snag a Titan Bangle, the next step up for armor!

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Oh… oh, shit. That doesn’t look too good.

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Tifa: Barret! Can’t you do something?
Barret: Not a damn thing.
Tifa: Cloud! Please don’t die! You can’t die! There’s still so much I want to tell you!
Cloud: I know…
Barret: Hey, you gonna be all right?
Cloud: You worry about yourselves! I’m all right, but take care of Tifa!
Barret: All right. Sorry ’bout all this.
Cloud: Stop talking like this is the end!
Barret: Okay. Hold on!

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Dang, bold of a game to kill off a character so early. And one that they really make you get attached to. WELP. That sucks.

NEXT TIME: The continued adventures of AVALANCHE!!

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