Welcome back to Save File Plays Super Mario RPG! Last time, we managed to finally make our way back to Bowser’s Keep, only to be stopped by game-padding bullcrap! At least we’re getting some cool items out of it. And we will be getting far, far more, if I have my way. Now, 2 of the 4 (of the 6) doors that need to be completed have been, uh… completed.
LET’S FINISH IT OFF!
MUSIC: Bowser’s Keep
May as well just go in order, huh?
This one SEEMS like it could be difficult. And if you screw up, it can be, and if you take too long, you lose. If you step on a button, the buttons next to it, top, bottom and both sides are activated. If they’re up, they go down, if they’re down, they go up. This can be solved in 4 easy jumps though.
THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYIN’!!
Eeesh… this one… is a little more difficult. Ever been to Cracker Barrel? It’s that solitaire game. every time a piece gets jumped, it disappears. The goal is to have one piece left. Damn if I can remember the exact order I did it in, but I manage to solve it.
Not bad. Rock Candies are pretty damn good items, they cause upwards of 200 HP to every enemy on screen in battle. I’m hoarding these for… a certain fight.
All right, time for door #4!
Ah, it’s an action course! You have ten tries to make it through the entire thing, which consists of 3 rooms. Don’t fall in the lava or get hit by any sorts of obstacles, and you’ll be fine. Most of these rooms have tons of treasure chests too, and they’re awfully tempting…
The next room has Mario run around on a ball, while Bob-ombs chase after him and attempt to explode.
Ugh, this room suuuuuuucks. Mostly because I’m super impatient when it comes to games, most times. You have to wait for the tile to s l o w l y revolve around the one you’re standing around. Then jump to the next one and wait while the one you just jumped off of s l o w l y revolves to wherever you want to go next.
And then I failed on purpose. Now, I know that seems like an excuse like “HURR DURR, I FAILED ON PURPOSE GUISE, I SWEAR I DON’T SUCK AT THIS GAME!” …but I really did. The reason for that is that even if you fail the action courses, you get to keep all of the sweet, sweet loot that you gathered within. Sure, I don’t get the prize at the end of the course, and it doesn’t count towards my 4 door requisite, but I just got a LOT of great items. I stand by my decision. Plus, this way I can also show off all of the rooms. I got what I really wanted anyways (the Star Gun). Everything else is cool, but that’s the main item I was gunning for.
So let’s check out Door #5!
The next room is just a bunch of quick-moving tiles. You might notice that I skip all the items… it’s because I’m pretty much full-up! There’s a limited inventory in this game, and I don’t even know what else I would get rid of!
Wow, now that is a throwback. There’s a monkey throwing barrels at Mario in this room. If you avoid the barrels and jump on him, he runs away. But again, I fail on purpose so I can show off the last room.
And that means that Door #6 is the last Quiz door.
And this room is a legitimate quiz room.
Just answer 8 questions right, and you win! If you get too many wrong, you fail. Pretty straightforward, I’d say.
It’s multiple choice, but in order to cut down on images, I’ll just type up the answers: They all live in Monstro Town.
A Game Boy
Currant Juice. (By the way, I don’t know HOW you’re supposed to know some of these. I just remember them because I’ve played this game so much)
Getting his picture taken.
La Dee Dah~♪
Dr. Topper: Boo, Goo, Bones, and Kipp competed int a Triathlon. The Triathlon included swimming, cycling, and a marathon. It’s up to you to guess which place each person came in. Listen well! You’re only gonna hear the story once!
Another Rock Candy, Nice! For reference, the other items I would get for beating the action rooms would be Mallow’s Sonic Cymbal, his best weapon, and the Super Slap, Toadstool’s “best” weapon. But I’m not going to use Mallow for the rest of the game, and Toadstool can do better if you know where to find it (and I do).
Huh. Now that was interesting. Usually, Magikoopa summons a monster and hides behind it. But I killed him so damn fast, he didn’t even get a chance to! Some monsters include a King Bob-omb (the big one Punchinello summoned way back when), a Bahamutt or a Jinx clone.
MUSIC: Monstro Town
Magikoopa: Huh… where am I? Bowser, hello! How have you been? I, uh, made it back here SOMEHOW, but it seems like I’ve been brainwashed or something. I can’t seem to remember ANYTHING. Have I done something… wrong?
: Uh, don’t worry about it. Let’s just put this behind us. It’s great running into a loyal Koopa Trooper like you.
Magikoopa: I’m glad! It looks like you’ve got some tough new troopers now. But my magic can still help you.
Magikoopa: Just keep hitting it. I’ll be here if you need me. Come by whenever you need to rejuvenate your HP and magic.
This would be super handy if we didn’t just heal automatically after the battle, and really had no use for coins anymore, and this place were just a bit more convenient to get to. But, whatever.
Also, in the door on the left…
Croco sells the usual items, but of more important note, he sells the best store-bought armor in the game. If you don’t find any of the extra stuff, this is the best you’re gonna get, and it’s really not that bad. Most of my characters will be wearing this stuff for the rest of the game.
…room identical to the one Toadstool was rescued in so long ago? Just how big is this keep, anyways? DID I JUST GO IN A GIGANTIC LOOP!?
Boomer: I’m impressed you made it this far. I didn’t think you could. Oh! Feisty little fellow, aren’t you? But this is the end of the line. Now you’ve got to deal with ME! EN GARDE!
Boomer isn’t so tough. He uses physical attacks, and physical spells like Skewer and Pierce. Eventually, he turns blue, sacrificing his defense for more power, upon which time he starts using an auto-kill move (unless it’s blocked) and strong single-target spells like Storm and Blast.
MUSIC: Sad Song
Boomer: This is absurd! I CAN’T be defeated by THEM! I won’t let this happen! I won’t fall in battle… *gasp… cough… hack…* H-having… an attack… *gasp* I don’t need your sympathy! I am a soldier… I am prepare to… go… Take a dive, Chandeli-ho!
Chandeli-Ho: I’ll lead you to the top! We must hurry to the appointed place! Hang on tight! And away we go!
…and then the damnedest thing happens… I… I can’t properly explain it. First, here’s the music:
MUSIC: Wine River
And… here’s what happens:
No. I have no answers for this. Mario & Co. just start dancing as the chandelier takes them up.
Chandeli-Ho: Increasing speed…! Next stop, the top floor! Please fasten your seat belts and… Wait a sec! There ARE no seat belts!
MUSIC: Fight Against an Armed Boss
Oh shit, we’re actually fighting the sword! There are 4 targets in this fight: the Left Eye, the Right Eye, the Mouth (which is called Neosquid, for whatever reason) and Exor (the little minotaur head at the top). The battle ends when Exor is defeated, but he’s usually being protected by something. In this case, one of the eyes. We don’t even know which one. And even worse, taking out the eyes and mouth is only temporary, they revive after a few turns.
Bowser’s Drill Claw is very similar to his unarmed attack, but more metal in the way that he stabs with his left claw, and then shakes it.
This battle can be tough. They all use hard hitting spells like Dark Star, Corona, Solidify, and also have status moves like Light Beam (sleep), Aurora Beam (sleep), Poison, and Petal Blast (Mushrooms).
Here, the Left Eye and Neosquid are out of commission as I pound on Exor.
And upon defeat, we get sucked inside!
Classy, Nintendo. We don’t get the Toadstool upskirt shot, but we DO get the Geno Flash, if you know what I’m sayin’.
MUSIC: Weapons Factory
I think that would be YOU, Geno. With all your exposition and junk.
: I’m not going to be dragged along on this stupid hunt. This is as far as I go. I’m going to gather my troops and rebuild my castle. And you, Mario! You’re an official member of the Koopa Troop. It’s your duty to help with the repairs!
: Bowser, you’re completely missing the point.
: Gwaa?! I oughtta rip your stuffing out!
Bowser is the best.
: Yeah, so?
: Even IF we defeated Exor… there will be OTHER weapon beasts to follow him. Your castle is at the entrance point to YOUR world. In short… they’ll be back! Is that what you want?
: Um… well… (More weapon things coming to take over my castle? What about my… PRIVACY?! Yikes… This isn’t good at all… In fact, this stinks! But I CAN’T just be pals with these cretins. I’ve got an image to keep up. I’ve got it!)
NEXT TIME: Last days on the outside!