Queen Valentina -Super Mario RPG Ep. 22

Welcome back! Today, we will resume our adventures through Super Mario RPG. Last time, we managed to get into Nimbus Castle by posing as a statue. Now it’s time to depose “Queen” Valentina and find out what’s really going on with Mallow’s parents.

MUSIC: Nimbus Castle

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There’s only one door we haven’t gone through yet, and of course it’s the once being guarded by the Heavy Troopa.

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3 Heavy Troopas. I still manage to kill them before any of them get to attack. WOO!

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That’s enough for Mallow to hit Level 21. Dandy!

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Shy Away: …grow to be big and strong! Oh, oh, oh… Mario’s already here. He’s a fast one, he is.

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Well, that seems poorly planned.

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Okay, yeah, that’s not ominous or anything.

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Um… Okay, I guess.

MUSIC: Fight Against A Somewhat Stronger Monster

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The first part of the battle against Shelly, which is nice. Shelly doesn’t attack, so that means that I have time to use Geno Boost on everyone! The shell cracks a little more every time it gets attacked, and it doesn’t matter how much damage you do. It just needs to be attacked a set amount of times.

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WHAT’S INSIDE?!

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WHAT.

birdo: I’m Birdo!

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Just like in Super Mario 2, Birdo attacks by shooting eggs at the party.

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birdo: Ouch, you’re hurting me! Now it’s my turn! Get it while it’s hot!

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Ow.

So there’s a gimmick going on here. If you consistently defend, one of Birdo’s attacks will bounce off.

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And then if you attack the Eggbert…

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It does… 80 damage. I’m causing about 140 damage with regular attacks. YEAH, THIS WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT.

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Well, to be fair, I’m still pretty over leveled. And Geno Boost is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

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Now how in the blue hell did Birdo manage to get that key? INSIDE of the shell, no less? And how the hell is the shell whole again? I FEEL LIKE I’M TAKING CRAZY PILLS HERE.

MUSIC: Nimbus Castle

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Toadstool hits Level 26 and breaks the 200 HP marker! WOO!

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There’s a hidden chest one top of this regular chest. I really don’t know if I have any use for these Frog Coins anymore… but  it still feels pretty cool to get them.

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Mallow: Hey, wait a sec… It won’t open. It’s locked!

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Bowser: Feast your eyes on this show of brains… and brawn! STAND BACK!

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Mallow: We need another plan. I guess we should find Valentina and force the truth out of her!
Bowser: But, what about the door?… Listen, YOU! Never EVER talk tot he leader of the Koopa Troop like that! Ooh, I hate… THAT! I’ll ignore it this time… but DON’T let it happen again!

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Shy Away is very good at his (her?) job.

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This door seems IMPORTANT!

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Shy Away: That Mario creature who beat up Smilax is here.
Valentina: Mario…?! What… does a “Mario” look like?
Shy Away: Well… it’s got a bushy mustache, long sideburns, and, uh, a pair of… mean looking legs!
Valentina: Hmmm… I have the feeling I’ve seen this “Mario” before…

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ZOUNDS!!

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Shy Away: What, what , what are we gonna do? What are we GONNA DO, VALENTINA?!
Valentina: Well, we certainly aren’t going to listen to your pointless chatter. Frankly speaking, I’m not going to worry. Without this key, the King can’t go ANYWHERE!

At this point, Dodo keeps trying to get Valentina’s attention by pecking her, but it’s like one frame of animation, so it’s super hard to catch.

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Valentina: I SAID SHUT UP, ALREADY!!

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Mallow: Me? I’m the REAL prince, that’s who!
Valentina: Brat! And how DARE you listen in on a private conversation!
Mallow: Private? PRIVATE?! Everyone in a 10 mile radius could hear you!


OH DAMN, MALLOW WITH THE SICK BURN!

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Shy Away: Eh? Hey! Valentina ran away… I shall fly the coop, too…

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Mallow: So…… we’d better get moving too!! C’mon, let’s get ’em!!

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THE CHASE IS ON!!

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BUT THERE IS STILL TIME TO SLAUGHTER EVERY ENEMY I SEE!

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Geno is able to gain a level from my slaughtering of the Bluebirds

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There’s also a pretty random star in this hallway. I tried to catch it, but you catch up to Dodo in the last part. He takes up the entire hallway, so if it wasn’t for the star, you’d be forced into battle against him.

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Good enough!

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…buh?

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Well, at least Mario seems to be enjoying himself while plunging to his death.

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As Mario works his way towards terminal velocity on his way to the ground, Valentina makes it back into Nimbus Town, and is mobbed by the townspeople.

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General Babble: And Tubby… er, Prince Mallow… Where is he hiding these days?
Know what I think? I think…
Get outta here! The truth is…

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I like how they scatter out into the shape of a Star. It could be a coincidence, but I seriously doubt it is.

Valentina: I have better things to do than to listen to your half-wit opinions! And LOOK…! While I’ve been wasting my time listening to your endless chatter… Mario has managed to find me! Dodo!! DODO!! Ooh! That bird has a permanent brain cramp! Dodo! Do you hear me?! Get over here NOW! I need some help… entertaining Mario! So MOVE IT!! Come here NOW!

BATTLE TIME!

MUSIC: Fight Against a Somewhat Stronger Monster

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Valentina: Come here this minute! Don’t just sit there. HELP ME!

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Oh shit, looks like a one-on-one battle between Dodo and Geno! Unfortunately, Geno has a special weapon on his side…

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GENO BOOST, BITCH!

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Dodo is so terrified at the prospect of facing a boosted Geno that he runs away immediately.

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geno: YEAH, YOU BUTTER RUN, BITCH!

It actually took 2 rounds of attacking, but I like to embellish the story.

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Meanwhile, Mario and Mallow are taking on Valentina and her gigantic rack, which jiggles every time you hit it and every time she casts a spell. Seriously, they put way too much time and effort into animating her boobs.

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Valentina: Well, come on! Get over here!

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mario: You know how this is going to end, don’t you?

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Valentina: The show’s over, folks! Dodo…! Let’s get outta here!! Well, everyone… Until we meet again! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha…

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MUSIC: Nimbus Land

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…welp.

Mallow: Hurry! Let’s go after her! I KNOW she has the key!

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Mallow: Owwwww… Huh?! Mario! Look!

Mallow grabs the key and runs into the castle

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Mario knows what’s up.

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Mallow: And my other travel companions!

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Queen Nimbus: Hello, everyone. Thank you so much for looking after my dear child.
Mallow: Allow me to introduce everyone! This… is Princess Toadstool from Mushroom Kingdom
King Nimbus: Ah! I’ve heard so much about you! May I… have your autograph?
Queen Nimbus: Don’t embarrass junior, dear!

King Nimbus is the greatest.

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Mallow: THIS… is Mario! He helped me from the start!
King Nimbus: I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart. …You don’t mean… THE Mario?! Jumping Mario?! Autograph, please!
Queen Nimbus: That’s quite enough dear.
King Nimbus: Okay, okay! Then… how about showing me just a little jump? A tiny hop will do!

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I know it looks like Mario is going to spike his head into the ground, but he’s just doing like a quintuple front flip.

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Mallow: This is Bowser, leader of the Koopa Troop.
King Nimbus: Oh! Another famous person! This is just too much! I MUST have YOUR autograph!
Queen Nimbus: Dear… behave yourself, please!
King Nimbus: No? Not even a little scribble? Okay, okay… Yes, yes. I’m quite forgetting my manners. Well, who do we have over here?
Mallow: This is Geno, who I told you about before.
King Nimbus: Oh! Yes! That story about the Star Street! How awful!

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Queen Nimbus: By the way, a little before Valentina took over, a large star fell into the volcano!
King Nimbus: Hmm, but the dreaded “Czar Dragon” inhabits the volcano. it’s going to be tough getting a star out of there!  Hmm… perhaps all of you working together COULD handle the beast…

I bet it will only take three of us.

King Nimbus: Why, when I was young, I…

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Queen Nimbus: You be careful, Mallow!
Mallow: Okay, mom! But I probably won’t come back until we find the star!

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Dang, those guards got back in position FAST.

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Also, the room that Birdo was in now has statues of the entire party! Garro works fast too, holy crap.

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This room was initially filled with people who were kicked out of the castle. I wonder who’s in there now??

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Croco: But hey, I’m not sweatin’! This device’ll tell me where the treasures are hidden! The rest of ’em are mine! All MINE! Adios, fools!

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Sweet.

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Hmmm… Seed and Fertilizer… I think it’s time to pay a visit to Rose Town.

MUSIC: Rose Town

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What a funky, fresh tune. It’s been awhile.

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This path wasn’t here before. In fact, it won’t appear unless you talk to the mouse in Monstro Town who mentions an old geezer in Rose Town.

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Gardener: I’ve spent many years seeking the legendary “Seed” and “Fertilizer” to fill it with, but no luck. Sigh… if I could only find them!

Seed
WHOA.

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I mean, after that, how could I NOT?

Gardener: I finally have it! This is extraordinary!

Fertilizer
GOOD GOD.

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Gardener: Yes, you might say I have fertilizer on the brain. Will you give it to me?

Again, I’d feel bad if I didn’t.

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Gardener: I finally have both the “Seed” and the “Fertilizer.” I’ll try them out right away. I’ll plant the seed… then give it fertilizer.

Stalk
ENOUGH ALREADY!!

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Gardener: Oops, maybe not, huh? This will get me in Happy Gardener Monthly Magazine!

Well, there’s really only one thing to do with a gigantic beanstalk! Besides eat delicious beans, of course.

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What can we find above?

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Hmmm… two of the same item?

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Say hello to the first of my game breaking equipment!

The Lazy Shell Weapon is Mario’s best weapon, hands down. It gives a whopping +90 to attack, which is 30 more than the Mega Glove he currently has equipped, and 20 more than the other “best” weapon that you’ll find naturally throughout the course of the game.

And the Lazy Shell Armor… well… it turns a character into a tank. They’re basically impossible to kill with the Lazy Shell. It prevents all status effects, and is immune to any elemental damage. It also give +127 to both Attack stats. On the other hand, it tanks speed and both attacks by -50. Meaning whoever has this equipped is going last. Always. No questions. Also, they’re not going to be causing much damage. But if you give this to Toadstool… well… game over, man. Game over. You will not die. Ever. ANYWAYS, I’m not going to use it for now. But I will later.

ANYWAYS… one last thing I want to take care of in this update.

MUSIC: Monstro Town

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Greaper: Hey, you’re not half bad!
Dry Bones: You did pretty well!
Big Boo: We had a great time too. Thanks for playing our game.
3 Musty Fears: Now, the grand prize giveaway! Don’t forget what we told you!

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The Ghost Medal says “Raises defense while attacking.” That’s kind of hard to understand, but what it amounts to is that it raises defense by 50%. We’re getting close the end game now, the game breaking equipment is starting to show up!

NEXT TIME:  …LOL IDK

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