Silly & Serious – FFVII Ep. 6

Welcome back to Save File Plays Final Fantasy VII.  Well… the outfit is complete. I guess it’s time to see if we can go seduce a horny old man. Oh, and get reunited with our friend. I guess. I mean, that’s secondary, right? Right??

Anyways, let’s do it.

MUSIC: Oppressed People

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Guard: Come in, come in! Two ladies coming through!

I REGRET EVERYTHING

MUSIC: Don of the Slums

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Host: I’ll go and let the Don know you’re here. Wait here. Don’t wander around…
Aeris: Now’s our chance. Let’s find Tifa.

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Well, there’s only one open door, so I guess we’ll use that one?

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FOUND HER. Down in the creepy… bondage… sex chamber. Eugh.

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Aeris: Nice to meet you, I’m Aeris. Cloud’s told me a lot about you.
Tifa: And you are…? Hey, you’re the one who was with Cloud in the park…
Aeris: Right, with Cloud.
Tifa: Oh…
Aeris: Don’t worry. We just met. It’s nothing.
Tifa: What do you mean, “don’t worry?” About what? Oh, no, don’t misunderstand. Cloud and I grew up together. Nothing more.
Aeris: Poor Cloud, having to stand here and listen to both of us call him nothing. Right, Cloud?
Tifa: …Cloud?

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YUP, GONNA NEED TO DOWN THIS PRETTY SOON, I RECKON.

Also, it’s pretty creepy to find an Ether down in the creepy S&M chamber.

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Tifa: Never mind, what happened to you after the fall?! Are you hurt?!
Cloud: Slow down, let me answer. I’m dressed like this because there was no other way to get in here. I’m all right. Aeris helped me out.
Tifa: Oh, Aeris did…
Cloud: Tifa, explain what you’re doing in a place like this?
Tifa: Oh, um…
Aeris: *Ahem* I’ll just plug my ears.

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Cloud: Thanks. What happened?
Tifa: When we got back from the Sector 5 Reactor, we saw a weird man. Barret caught him and squeezed some information out of him.
Cloud: That’s when the Don’s name popped up?
Tifa: Right, Don Corneo. Barret told me to leave the lech alone… But something’s been bothering me.
Cloud: I see. So you wanted the story straight from Corneo’s mouth.
Tifa: Well, I made it here, but now I’m stuck. Corneo is looking for a bride. Everyday, he gets three girls, chooses one of them, and then… well… Anyway, I have to be the… girl for tonight.

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Aeris: If you know the three girls, there’s no problem, right? We have two here, right?
Cloud: No, Aeris! I can’t involve you!
Aeris: Oh? So it’s all right for Tifa to be in danger?
Cloud: No, I don’t want Tifa in…

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Aeris: I grew up in the slums. I’m used to danger. Do you trust me?
Tifa: Yes. Thanks, Ms. Aeris.
Aeris: Call me Aeris.

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Host: I told you not to wander around… I tell ya, women nowadays… hurry it up, will ya?

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Cloud: … me, right?
Tifa: You’re right, you didn’t need…
Aeris: …to ask.

THIS IS THE MOMENT CLOUD HAS SECRETLY BEEN DREAMING OF ALL HIS LIFE.

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Tifa: I wonder what Barret would say if he could see you?

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In a surprising move of insight, I remember to give Tifa her new Metal Knuckle and Mythril Bangle very quickly. Before I even get in a fight. I surprised even myself.

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Kotch: Line up in front of the Don!

…this is going to go well. I can feel it.

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Don Corneo: Now, let’s see… Which girl should I choose? Hmmm… Hmmm!

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Oh… oh, boy.

Cloud: Wa-Wait a sec! I mean, uh, please wait a moment!
Don Corneo: Woo-hoo! I love chickies who play hard to get! Yowza! You can have the rest!

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Well, there’s no avoiding it now.

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Don Corneo: All right, pussycat… Come to daddy!!

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hahahahahHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

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Don Corneo: Do you… like me too?
Cloud: Of Course! Umm…
Don Corneo: You don’t like me? There… there isn’t someone else, is there?
Cloud: No, only you Yes, his name’s Barret…
Don Corneo: 
What? No way! Hmm? Barret? That sounds familiar…
Cloud: You know, he’s one of the ones you were trying to find out about. You know, AVALANCHE?
Don Corneo: Oh, yeah, yeah. In Sector 7. In the Slums… and how do YOU know that?!

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Don Corneo: Somebody get in here NOW!!

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Tifa: What did your assistants find out? Talk! If you don’t tell us…

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Don Corneo: No! Not that! I’ll talk! I’ll tell you everything!
Tifa: So… talk.
Don Corneo: I made ’em find out where the man with the gun-arm was. But that’s what I was ordered to do.
Tifa: By whom?
Don Corneo: No–! If I told you that, I’d be killed!
Tifa: Talk! If you don’t tell us…

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Don Corneo: Waaaaaaaaaah~~! It was Heidegger of Shinra! Heidegger, the head of Peace Preservation!
Cloud: The head of Peace Preservation?!
Tifa: Did you say the Shinra?! What are they up to?! Talk! If you don’t tell us…

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Don Corneo: …You’re serious, aren’t you… ohboy, ohbooy, ohboy. I’m not fooling around here either, you know. Shinra’s trying to crush a small rebel group called AVALANCHE, and wants to infiltrate their hideout. And they’re really going to crush them… literally. By breaking the supports holding up the plate above them.?
Tifa: Break the supports?!
Don Corneo: You know what’s going to happen, right? The plate’s gonna go PING, and everything’s gonna go BAMMM!! I heard their hideout’s in the Sector 7 Slums… I’m just glad it’s not here in Sector 6.
Tifa: They’re going to wipe out the Sector 7 Slums? Cloud, will you come with me to Sector 7?
Cloud: Of course, Tifa.

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Cloud: Shut up!!
Don Corneo: No, really, it’ll just take a second. Why do you think scum like me babbled on about the truth?
Because I’ve given up on life
Because I’m sure I’ll win
Because I’m clueless

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DAMMIT!!!!

…well, I guess that’s what happens when you threaten to castrate a man through different methods repeatedly.

MUSIC: The Shinra Corporation

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Reeve: President!! Are we really going to do this? Simply destroy a group with only a few members…
Shinra: What’s the problem, Reeve? You want out?
Reeve: No… but, as head of the Urban Development Department, I have been involved in the building and running of Midgar. That’s why…
Heidegger: Reeve, flush your personal problems with the rest of your crap!
Reeve: The Mayor’s against this anyways…

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Heidegger: He just sits in this building all day feeding his face! You still call that a Mayor? Now if you’ll excuse me, sir!

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Shinra: Heh heh heh… this is perfect.

Hey guys. Did you know that Shinra is evil? They’re the BIG EVIL CORPORATION.

MUSIC: Lurking in the Darkness

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Aw, dammit, I hate sewers.

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AGH, I HATE SEWERS. Though it actually has been quite a while since the last battle.

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Sahagins. Not too tough. Weak to Lightning. They also have the annoying ability to be able to reduce physical damage to 1, so Magic is really the way to go against these guys.

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Yes, I went to go grab the Potion before checking on either of my teammates. So what? Big deal. Wanna fight about it?

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Tifa: Man, this is terrible!
Aeris: Yeah. Well, the worst is over.
*RRROOOOOAAAARRRR*
Aeris: Maybe not…

MUSIC: Those Who Fight Further

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Say hi to Aps. That’s his name. Aps. Aps has an interesting gimmick (also he’s weak to Fire).

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Aps’ special move Sewer Tsunami hits all party members, but it also hits him. If the move comes from behind him, it will cause more damage to him than anyone else. If it comes from behind the party, it will cause more damage to them. But either way, he’s hurting himself, so I appreciate it.

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It also builds up our Limit gauges pretty quickly.

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This is a Sewer Tsunami coming from behind the party.

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Aeris’ Limit Break, Healing Wind, is pretty useful at the beginning of the game. It kind of loses its effectiveness as the game goes on, but it’s still pretty darn handy at this point in time.

And then Aps died.

MUSIC: Lurking in the Darkness

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Aeris: Don’t give up, never give up hope. It’s not easy to destroy the pillar, right?
Tifa: Yeah… you’re right! We still have time.

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GOD, LET’S GET OUT OF THIS SEWER.

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Hey, it’s our first Command Materia. It’s pretty self-explanatory, I think. The success rate isn’t so great, but if you’re lucky, you can get ahead of the game with this sometimes.

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MUSIC: Anxious Heart

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Aeris: Don’t tell me to go home.
Tifa: If we can just get past the trains that are lit up, we should be able to get out of here.

This is the Train Graveyard just east of Sector 7. We’re almost there!

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There are a lot of items scattered about. Basically, if anything looks suspicious (e.g., isn’t pre-rendered), you should probably go check it out.

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Some new enemies. The little Beetle looking things look like they would hurt, but they’re not too bad. The Dragons can be a little more trouble though, as they’re really the first enemy we encounter that can cast magic back at us. They can cast Ice, and it HURTS. It can do as much as 25% of anyone’s total HP in one hit. Just something to watch out for.

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A bunch more items.

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Ahhh, ghosts. Ghosts are a little more annoying. But first of all…

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They’re weak to Fire. Enough so that it can OHKO them.

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They can cast Drain, which as implied, drains HP from a party member and returns it to the Ghost.

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And also, after being physically attacked, they disappear for a bit, making the next attack miss. Just make sure to hang on to your attacks and time everything right, and they’re not too bad. Still annoying though.

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More items.

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These much more defined trains can be moved, and need to be moved if we’re to advance forward.

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All right, we made it!

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Train Guard: …crushing this station that I’ve worked at for so many years. But I just can’t bear to leave here.

Aw, such dedication.

LET’S-A GO!

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MUSIC: Those Who Fight

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Cloud: Wait! You hear something above us?
Aeris: …gunfire?

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HOLY CRAP!!!!

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Wedge: …Cloud. You remembered my name. Barret’s up top. …help him… An’ Cloud… Sorry, I wasn’t any help.

HOW IS HE STILL ALIVE?!

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Cloud: Aeris! You look after Wedge.
Tifa: Aeris, do me a favor. I have a bar called “7th Heaven” in this neighborhood. There’s a little girl named Marlene there.
Aeris: Don’t worry. I’ll put her somewhere safe.
Tifa: It’s dangerous here! Everyone, get away from the pillar, quickly! Everyone get out of Sector 7!

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That’s stupid. You’re both stupid. You should run.

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This guy sells us items. I appreciate it.

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This other guard is still an asshole.

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Aww, Pee-Hands. 😦 It’ll be okay!

NEXT TIME: Will it really be okay??

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